My Story
Hi everyone! I’m Clara. I’m a 4-year senior at Interlochen Arts Academy and majoring as a singer-songwriter. I’m a co-presenter for the Ending the Silence program with NAMI. I go to schools and speak to the public about Service Dogs, accessibility, and accommodations. I initiated the first Disability+ affinity group at Interlochen, which is a safe space for disabled, chronically ill, and neurodivergent individuals to share experiences and gain community. I’m also a part of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Student Voice Team where we started the Accessibility Series, creating performances accessible to people of all abilities.
I am super passionate about this work and hope that I can be a resource to all of you.
I have what’s considered an invisible or hidden disability. I was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder at 4 and GAD, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder, ARFID, and OCD at 14. From there we found out that I’m just Autistic, which explains all the previous diagnoses.
Things got really bad for me during my sophomore year of high school. I’m now a senior and since advocating for myself and getting accommodations, I’m doing a lot better. But during my sophomore year, I had to start treatment because I was no longer eating, going out of my house or to school, doing basic hygiene, being social, you get the gist. I quite literally could only be in my room because that was the only space that didn’t send me into a meltdown. When I did have to go out, I would immediately go to my closet afterward and hide under the clothes with a weighted blanket and noise-canceling headphones to calm down.
Thankfully, my family became worried and wanted to support me. I wasn’t very happy with this at the time, but I couldn’t be more grateful that they intervened. I started treatment in January of my sophomore year.
This involved an Intensive Outpatient Program that I stayed in for 8 months, regular meetings with an OCD specialist for a year, and weekly sessions with my therapist, dietician, and occupation therapist (which I still continue to attend). I also started medication, which I’m still on, to help me as I was doing Exposure Therapy and other treatments. Through this, I learned so much about myself and how my body and brain work – or don’t work.
After this very long year, I had gotten through the thick of it. I built up my executive functioning skills but still had to deal with the day-to-day struggles of being autistic. So, to help me even further, I applied for a Service Dog through a program called Ultimate Canine.
9 months later, I met my best friend, Cassie, on December 4th of 2021. Cassie helps me function on a daily basis with her tasks. This includes Deep Pressure Therapy, High Heart Rate Alerts, Behavior Interruptions, Turning off the lights, tactile stimulation, crowd control, blocks, shields, and more!
Each of her tasks are there to help me cope with my disability and to make it easier for me to navigate daily life.
On top of this, I found so many other resources that helped me on a daily basis. I have more frequent dentist appointments and use a specific type of toothbrush because I struggle with brushing my teeth at times. I have a specific brand of socks that I can stand wearing. I carry a bunch of fidgets, headphones, and earplugs with me for when I’m overstimulated. I have a sensory swing. These are just some of the things I use. (You can find these products linked in the “life hacks” section.)
Above all, I learned how to advocate for myself. This is a skill that took me a while to learn, but I think it’s probably one of the most important things when it comes to my disability. It can be so frustrating to remind people of your accommodations and needs. It takes a lot of energy. But for me, it paid off in the long run. An example of this is at the beginning of my junior year, I worked with the school psychologist, Dr. Kern, on creating a presentation to give to all my teachers. I went in-depth on my struggles and how they affect me in the classroom, at home, individually, with group work, and more. I’m so lucky to have such amazing teachers who are here to help me succeed and care about my well-being. As scary as it was to be so vulnerable, I was able to get support and understanding from those that I interact with on a daily basis.
When it came to advocating for myself and asking for help, I started small. I would ask my mom to bring me a snack if I didn’t have the energy to get up. I worked up to asking for accommodations from my teachers.
Despite being in such a supportive environment, I still struggle with people doubting me and my needs. When I tell someone I’m autistic, I’m often greeted with the response “are you sure?” “but you seem so normal” “my sister’s son has autism and is non-verbal and nothing like you, so you must not be autistic.” But I am, and I have the struggles that come with being autistic as well as the struggles of having to constantly explain these struggles to get support.
I feel shame at times that I have needs. I feel isolated from my disabilities. Sometimes I feel like I have to justify my needs and prove to people that I need support because I’m not visibly disabled or mentally ill. I mask, which is a social surviving skill that a lot of people with mental illness use to fit in and appear normal. And because I have masked my whole life, it is very easy for people to perceive me as functioning. But our perception of others is not always accurate. And that’s why it’s so crucial for me to share my story and end the stigma of having struggles and needing support.
Something I learned through my recovery journey, is that everyone has needs. And everyone deserves to have these needs met. Everyone has struggles and it’s okay to talk about them. I can’t be afraid to utilize things that help me, whatever they may be. I hope that you feel encouraged to find the things that work for you and get the support you need. It’s okay if you’re struggling. It’s okay to ask for help.
My treatment team reminds me constantly that recovery is not linear. That phrase has helped me give myself grace on the bad days and appreciate the good days that much more. I didn’t go from never leaving my room to being able to travel within a day. This process took me 2 years and will most likely be never-ending. But I’m so thankful to everyone who has been there to support me so that I’m not just surviving, but thriving.
If anyone has any questions about me, my journey, my treatment, or anything else, feel free to ask questions later or reach out. I hope to be a resource for all of you.
